home today. About what home used to be like to me and what it means to me today. I thought about how I always forgot to close my dresser drawer all the way, how Richee used to bark at night to wake us up so he could go outside to go pee. I thought about the nights where I would lay in bed till 4 in the morning listening to my parents and their friends singing Chinese ballads on the karaoke machine. I thought about all the nights I would lay in bed till 4 in the morning listening to my dad smoking a cigarette under the activated kitchen hood. I thought about how I used to walk my fingers down the chrome handrail down the stairs. I thought about how I used to always jump and skip over the second to last step because one time, I don't know when, there was a big spider there and I never stepped near that step again. I thought about how I used to lay on the carpet with my cheek buried in the yellow threads and breathe to move the lint back and forth. I thought about how I used to run down the hall when I was a kid because I was scared of the dark. I thought about how I used to sit at the piano when no one was home and play for hours nonsensical arhythmic string stab caressed black white key. I thought about how I used to count all the lights on the ceiling. I thought about how I used to click the light switch and sprint and jump into my bed belly flop and get in the covers before the lights finished gradating to OFF. I thought about the wind that would howl outside sometimes. I thought about how the sun would filter through my horizontal blinds. I thought about how I used to try to sneak down the hallway to not wake anyone up but my left ankle would crack with every step and it sounded like the loudest thing in the world. I remember standing on the toilet with the cover down smoking weed and blowing it out the window with the hood-fan on. I remember eating rice with mangos and beef. I remember sitting cross-legged on the floor in the tatami room with a gallon of milk and a box of cinnamon toast crunch and just eat and eat and eat until I felt sick watching cartoons. I remember feeling the paper shoji doors with my hands and laying on my back on the hardwood floor and gently rocking the panels back and forth with my toes to quiver the light in the room. I remember playing in the front yard, hopping from stone to stone. I remember the time the huge family of crows came and lived on our lawn and I wrapped a basketball in tin foil and placed it out there and it totally didn't work they didn't care at all and it was a failure. I remember sitting in my dad's office in his chair when he wasn't home and spinning around in circles and catching myself slowly by gliding my fingers across the walnut desk until I slowed to a stop.