I woke up with static in the mind.
I stumbled out of bed and walked into the kitchen and looked outside at the white blurred sky and the cold air and the smell of rain made me shiver.
My dad called me last night. He asked if I could drive down tomorrow because he and mom wanted to talk. I shat myself and thus the static.
I drove down today on the 101 while it was raining and decided not to use my windshield wiper. I let the raindrops accumulate on the glass until all of reality was a speckled, distorted mosaic. And then I drove faster, and the wind carved lines across my field of vision. And then I drove faster, and now I couldn't see anything at all, so I turned on the windshield wiper and that was that.
We ate at a Hong Kong styled cafe.
We talked about family.
We drove home and sat down in the living room.
And they said to me:
“You are 24. You are still very young, but you are not young forever. And you might meet someone soon, and you might love her, and you might have a child - and your life is going to change, and life is not going to be about you anymore. So you have maybe 6 more years where you can just be you. So what are you going to do now? What are your plans? What do you want? Where are you going? ”
And then my head exploded.
And then I told them how I'm just gonna hustle, and that I'm doing the work I do now so that I can make ends meet without sacrificing experiencing as spherical of a reality as possible. And how I want to learn the world for what it is, and absorb and struggle and find the good souls. And how I want to live in risk, and throw myself at opportunity when I find it, and how I want to one day run my own show. And then find someone I love, and then share my reality with hers, and then it will be good.
I didn't tell them about all the other things...I didn't tell them about the art. I didn't tell them about the meaning. I don't know how to talk to them about those things yet. But its okay. I think they know. They are old and wise and my parents and they must know. They've known since I was a boy. It's why they're worried. And I'm worried sometimes too. But its okay. Die with love in the heart.
They told me to move to Shanghai and learn Chinese.
They told me I should go for at least half a year.
They told me I might stay there for a decade.
They told me to live another reality.
They told me to not forget the forest.
They told me to remember that ginger ages slowly.
They told me to stay hungry.
And they told me to dream bigger.
I think I'm going to do it.
中國 ， 2016 。